How to Help Someone Through a Panic Attack
If you’ve never had a panic attack, it can be quite alarming to see someone you care about suffer through one. Although I’ve had (several, blah) attacks myself, it’s still upsetting to see someone I know have a panic attack. Panic attacks are tricky, for both the person going through it and the people around them. They can come out of nowhere, and often at really inconvenient times. Not that there is ever a convenient time to freak the F out, but you get the point.
I’m personally a quiet “freaker outer” so when I tell people I’m with that I’m having an attack, they are always like “say what??” It’s usually shocking since I’m quiet, but those who know me can see it on my face from a mile away. Everyone reacts to their panic attacks differently, but one thing we can all agree upon is that they are very scary. And not just for you, but also for the friend or family member witnessing their loved one going through it. Even if you’ve never had a panic attack and don’t quite understand what this individual is feeling, there are steps you can take to help them through. Here are my suggestions:
How to Help Someone Through a Panic Attack
Put Your Acting Shoes On. Do Not Act Uncomfortable.
If you’ve never had a panic attack, this will be an Oscar worthy acting performance on your end. However, it’s very important that even though you are likely uncomfortable, confused, and worried, you cannot show any negative emotion towards the person going through a panic attack. This person likely already feels incredibly embarrassed and even guilty for thinking they ruined some sort of situation that you were in when the attack started, on top of the actual panic attack symptoms. Typically, that isn’t what other people are thinking at all, but the anxious love worse case scenarios. What is needed is a calm, supportive, non-judgemental reaction. Because trust me, we are already being hard on ourselves in the scenario.
Stand by Me
Literally. Even if the panic attack sufferer suggests being alone, stay with them. I am the queen (or Duchess of Sussex, if I had to pick one) of pushing people away when I’m going through something really challenging, panic attack included. I do this because I want to feel strong and in control, and I don’t want to feel like I’m inconveniencing someone. Case in point, paragraph above. However, being alone during a panic attack often times makes things scarier. This person’s fight or flight is already triggered from a completely uncontrollable physiological reaction. So if they are by themselves continuing with these irrational thoughts, the situation will likely only intensify.
Some people like physical touch during a panic attack (I’m personally not a cuddly person, except with my sister’s dog, so please don’t touch me). Regardless, just being by the person’s side until the symptoms start to wear off—typically after about 30 minutes—helps.
Abort Mission
If you are able to leave the place you are at, you need to GTFO with said panicker. There is so little you can control during a panic attack, but if your environment is one of them, then bail. If you can get them to some place comfortable, even better, but any change of scenery will help. Changing an environment often helps someone through a panic attack because it’s a shift of focus from the current situation.
Put Me in Coach
Get in there and help your friend or loved one through it. It’s totally fine if you’ve never had a panic attack and need to fake it until you make it, because sitting there silently is probably the worst thing you can do. If the person panicking takes medication for panic attacks, help them to it. Have them breathe with you. They are likely having a hard time catching their breath, so just start with normal breaths, and then gradually increase to longer inhales and exhales. Talk to them about anything really, but try to tell stories of distraction. Happy stories, obviously. Lastly, what is really helpful, is reminding them that they will get through the panic attack, and it will go away. This you can absolutely assure them.
What Do You Need?
Asking what they need is really the only question to ask during a panic attack. Questions like “what is happening” or “why do you feel this way” or “how do you feel” aren’t helpful because the person feels like they are dying, and they have no idea why. And they are scared shitless. Panic attacks can vary in intensity, and people are triggered by very different things. Therefore, not every person is going to be the exact same in the way they cope with their panic attacks. That’s why it’s really important to ask exactly what they need from you to support them through it.
Use a Lifeline: Phone a Friend
There are two or three people in particular that I call or text during a panic attack. If the panic attack is severe and you do not relate to panic or anxiety, suggest calling someone that does. I personally like to speak to someone that has been through a panic attack before and can remind me that I will see the other side of it. If you are at a loss during someone’s panic attack, don’t be afraid to ask them if there’s anyone they could reach out to that would help.
Once the attack has passed, it is then ok to have a conversation about what happened, and how you can best support them moving forward. It’s important to support that person throughout the rest of the day, even if it’s just checking in on them. The aftermath of a panic attack can be extremely difficult as well. It’s ok if you don’t understand, but just showing your support speaks volumes. I don’t wish this scenario upon anyone, but shit happens, so I hope these suggestions help.