What is Self-Care and Why is it Important
Whether you’re a frequent reader or new to my blog, you may have noticed I talk about self-care, a lot. Over the years, I’ve learned the hard way— aka: by burning myself out to the point of no return—that self care is one of the most important things I can do for my long-term physical and mental health. Trust me, I learned the lesson over and over until it really stuck. I’m talking like, so stressed and burned out I thought I had a serious physical illness (update, I don’t). So, to save you the potential doctor bills, lack of sleep, loss of hair, and all those good things that come with allowing stress to take over your wellness, let me tell you a little about self-care.
What is Self-Care and Why is it Important
I feel like self-care can get a bad rap due to its “treat yo self” associations. I’m talking baths, massages, manicures, traveling. All of the surface-level ways to self care that some may consider indulgent or unnecessary. They may not be as fulfilling to everyone as it is to me, and that’s totally fine. But the internal and external elements of self-care are both important. So, if none of those things get you pumped, find something to do that can energize you and make you feel like a million bucks. If you were looking for someone to give you permission to do those things, I shall take it upon myself to do so.
There’s another part of self-care that doesn’t get talked about as much that I find to be as important, if not more important, than the physical elements. This is the deeper, more emotional side of self-care that allows you to take care of yourself energetically and build a life that supports your mental well being. This part takes a hell of a lot more work than soaking in a warm epsom bath for 20 minutes - doesn’t that sound so amazing, btw?
It’s about really diving in and recognizing what is and isn’t working for you. It’s about having tough conversations with yourself and others. And it’s about being really self aware and present. It’s also about digging in to the things that you are most resistant to. Or at least that’s what my therapist tells me. And she’s rarely wrong. Here are some of the ways that I do emotional self-care.
Recognize Toxic Behavior in Other People
“Toxic” can mean a variety of things to different people. Everyone has different triggers, but one trait in other people that is challenging to my energy is negativity. I’d like to say I’ve mastered seeing things from the other side of the glass. But when a person is negative, I tend to be really sensitive to that and sometimes internalize their behavior. So, I need to be careful around these people. It doesn’t mean that I need to fully cut these people out. But it does mean that I need to recognize these things and not allow myself to engage in that particular behavior - because it’s a damn dark hole.
Setting Up Healthy Boundaries
You know those toxic traits in people I just mentioned? Be careful with how much time you spend with them! The concept of “boundaries” is a really trendy (yet important!) idea that speaks to the limits we need to set with other people or experiences to maintain our health. I just made up that definition - not bad, right? When in situations like the workplace where it’s impossible to limit time spent with said traits (you know we’ve all been there), I like to practice a visualization that a yoga instructor taught me. In order to stop yourself from absorbing negative energy, place a bubble of light around that person. So that all of their energy can stay with them. That creates an energetic boundary and avoids a toxic workplace war zone.
Another important boundary exercise for me is learning to say “no” without guilt. This is a newer one for me, because I want to be everything to everyone. And I don’t like to let people down. In fact, I used to be concerned that people would be upset with me when I couldn’t show up for them. Turns out, if you’re surrounding yourself with the right people, they will be supportive if you can’t/don’t want to/won’t do something that you feel isn’t right for you. Go ahead and say no, and explain why, if necessary. Because ultimately showing up more fully for yourself will allow you to be the best version of yourself to others.
Listening to Your Body and Not Overdoing It
Does this sound familiar: “I’m not getting sick, I’m not getting sick, I’m not getting sick”.... And then you proceed to go full force in your life? And then get sick? Like, really sick? Yeah, same. I don’t like to be slowed down, so when my body is telling me to pump the breaks, I am great at not listening. It always bites me in the ass. So, while I still really struggle with this one, when I do get a message from my body that says “hey girl (with a Ryan Gosling meme), we are feeling anxious about this situation” or “hey girl, we are run down AF” I am learning to try and listen.
Sometimes I have to cancel social plans, rest, or eat something really healthy (and not order that pizza) when I hear that message. I do not want to most of the time, but it always ends up working out better for me in the long run than trying to power through it.
Know What Makes You Feel Good, and Consistently Do It
Start with a list of 10 things that make you feel really good and that you enjoy, then make more time to consistently do those things! My list consists of: moving my body (even for just 30 minutes), meditating, taking baths, daily supplements, morning coffee (unless I’m really anxious), gratitude journaling, TV (not ashamed!), sleeping for 8 hours, taking naps if needed, being social, but also having sufficient alone time, wearing clothes that make me feel good, and having a beauty regimen that I love. I could keep going, but I already inundated you with 13 things, so I will stop. We have as much time in the day as Beyonce, so I promise there’s time for self-care if you make it your priority. Who run the world?
Telling Yourself Positive Affirmations Rather than Negative
I recently saw an Instagram post that said “what if instead of saying that I have to do X, you start to say that you get to do X.” This shift to come from a place of gratitude can totally transform your day. The mind/body connection is real, people, and there’s a shit ton of science to back it up. Trust me, it’s a lot easier for me to be hard on myself, especially given that I am a recovering perfectionist. But, it’s not practicing very good self-care if I’m saying mean things to myself all day.
The literal definition of an affirmation is “emotional support or encouragement” - and I didn’t make that one up. You can even make a list of positive affirmations for something you don’t quite believe or have yet. This shit goes way back to Sigmund Freud and there’s research that believes that you can rewrite messages and manifest positive change with affirmations.
My whole point is that self-care should never be overlooked. It’s so much more than the indulgences, it’s about actually shaping your life in a way that is positive for you. It allows you to show up more fully for yourself, and then ultimately others. Frankly, in the middle of writing this, I realized I needed a power nap. And in the spirit of self-care, I took one.